When someone joins our coaching program, we ask them to rank three things in order of importance so their coach knows where to start:
- fitness
- Nutrition
- The mindset
Almost everyone puts them in this exact order. Fitness first. Second: nutrition. Mentality a distant third. (And that makes sense! They came here to move better and eat better. That’s the noticeable change.)
But here’s the interesting thing:
When I look back over eight years Success storiesthe physical victories are there (stronger, healthier, more energy, etc.) but almost none of them lead with it. What they are talking about is changing mindsets.
It was the thing that took her from “fitness is a struggle” to “fitness is now a natural part of my life.”
And it’s probably not the mindset you’re envisioning. It’s not about just doing it. It’s not about raw motivation or gritting your teeth and building an iron will like a Marine.
The actual unlock comes from an unexpected place: Improvisational comedy.
“Yes and…”
If you’ve ever seen it Whose line is it anyway?you’ve already seen that. The first rule of improvisation is “Yes and”.
 |
Steve makes the comparison really well in his upcoming book: So try again (released June 16th!):
“During an improv scene, someone suggests an absurd scene or situation, and the best answers will then build on that with the philosophy of “yes, and.” If someone explains they’re a circus bear on a unicycle, their scene partner might build on that and say, “Yeah, and I’m a polar bear mechanic who fixes unicycles.”“Yes” means that we accept the situation with absolute sincerity. “And…” means that we build on that with our actions.”
It turns out that this is also one of the most powerful things you can do for your fitness.
In coaching it is “Yes” means accepting what is going on in your life – and expressing it as neutrally and objectively as possible.
The “And” is the part you can respond to. This is where we decide what we actually do with this information.
What this sounds like in real life
I have a client, Val, who is currently going through a job change. The pressure of putting everything behind you with your old role, real fear of the unknown and real excitement about what’s next. Lots of big emotions at once.
But the phrase I kept hearing was: “It’s just going to be hard.”
That’s not a bad start. It’s honest. And it’s better than saying: “everything is wonderful” if that’s not the case. But it’s loaded and was like a weight on her. So we redesigned it into something more neutral and matter-of-fact:
“This is a transition. I’ll probably feel a lot of different emotions through it.”
Same reality. We didn’t minimize it.
And we certainly didn’t say, “Everything happens for a reason!” sticker on it. We just took that bite get out of it. And that left room for the “and”: Okay, what’s one realistic thing I can do this week?
Another client of mine, Liz, struggled with stress eating at work and was constantly annoyed by it. So we worked on portraying the moment neutrally, how it happened:
“My coworker just dumped a lot of his stress on me. I feel the urge to grab a snack from the break room to reset.”
This neutral presentation of the facts gave Liz enough time to think and consider her next step.
Try it this week
Run “yes and” through one of your own situations:
- Yes: What is the neutral, factual version of what is actually going on?
- And: Given this, what is a realistic action step?
As Steve says:
“Acceptance is the only way to function in a world that feels contradictory because it lets us embrace those contradictions.
YES, life is challenging and we have some real limitations. AND here’s where we want to focus our efforts today.”
You got that. 💪
– Matt
