A few years ago I attended my friend Nick’s stunning 40th birthday party.
As part of the celebration, he hired an improvisational comedian and we all had to participate in learning improvisational comedy.
(I just felt the collective shudder of all the introverts who read this newsletter).
We started trying out fun scenarios and scenes to participate in and learned the most important rule of improv: “Yes and.”
Two simple words and the basis for the entire improvisational comedy:
Whenever someone comes up with a scene, a sentence, or a situation, the ONLY acceptable answer is: “Yes, and.”
- Yes: acceptance! I accept and acknowledge that whatever the situation is, no matter how absurd it may be, it is true.
- And: build! Like a tennis match, your job is to hit the ball back after your improvisation partner passes the ball to you! Building on the situation or scene.
For example, if your improv partner says, “I’m a space pirate,” your response might be:
- “Yes, and I’m the space police, you’re under arrest!”
- “Yes, and I’m a first officer looking for a new crew, that’s perfect!”
- “Yes, and my name is Captain Hook, welcome to Pirates Anonymous.”
The “yes and” rule is so important because there is nothing worse than a bad improvisation partner!
A bit like Liam Neeson this short sketch with Ricky Gervais (I laugh every time):
The yes and the rule for life
As a former overachieving “gifted child” who has a pretty negative inner critic, I’ve worked hard to incorporate “yes and” into my life.
The “yes” part is based on acceptance, and I’ve been working on embracing it for the last two years.
Check out my previous essays assumption And Wabi Sabi for more.
It’s the “and” part that I’ve been focusing on lately.
Like Dr. Kristen Neff explains in her book Self-compassionLife is complex and so are people:
“The judgment defines people as bad versus good and attempts to capture their essential nature in simplified terms.
Discerning wisdom recognizes complexity and ambiguity.”
Nothing is ever as easy as it seems. Things are never as good or bad as our brains think.
Despite the voice in our heads that wants to judge everything in terms of black or white, yes or no, good or bad… we must remember that life is a beautifully complicated mess.
Author F. Scott Fitzgerald once said:
The test of top-notch intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in your head at the same time and still remain functional.
For example, one should be able to recognize that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them different.
This is my task for you today.
Is there a part of your life that feels black or white and could use some complexity instead?
Nothing is as easy as it seems.
Life is hard and change is hard. AND you are a good person for trying.
Which means there is hope. And Hope is the warrior emotion.
Please take a look at this too Liam Neeson sketch.
You’re welcome.
-Steve
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