From Joshua Tyler
| Updated
Star Trek: Section 31 It begins with the fact that a spit flies over the screen and traces the shape of the star fleet logo. I later learned that this Spitwad was the hero ship of the series.
The film merges into a flashback in which a girl is introduced to us, which is worse than Hitler. She murdered her entire family in preparation for promotion, in which she will spend decades to commit a galactic genocide and the man she loves to torture for fun.
“I’m the only one I could never defeat.” – Philippa Georgiou
This room Hitler is called Philippa Georgiou (Michelle Yeoh), and the film jumps forward to a present in which it operates a floating space bar. We get to know them again while the film plays tough rock music to give the audience the idea that we should consider them really, really great.
Then Georgiou puts a human eyeball in his mouth and enjoys the taste while the music swells and the camera swings around it full of admiration. Yes, Star Trek: Section 31 sells the idea that cannibal mass murder is super cool when she commits him in high heels! That is the entire premise of this film. Hurray for Space Hitler!
This is not an exaggeration. This is not an exaggeration. This glorification of atrocities deliberately continues CBS under the Star Trek brand Paramount+.
In order to put their murder celebration into practice, Paramount has taken over an unpopular and completely evil figure Star Trek: Discoveryleast of all popular Star Trek series ever and gave her a feature film.
Why did that happen? How did it happen? If this story is ever told, it will be more interesting than anything else in this film.
Soon we will be announced with the rest Star Trek: Section 31 Cast, a spy team that works for the secret black surgery organization Section 31. The Section 31 organization was founded for the first time Star Trek: Deep Space Nine As something you should hate and not glorify, and it was never anything that most Trek fans wanted. It is therefore fitting that section 31 is the main motifor for a film that emerged from a series that no one likes, with a figure that nobody wanted to see anymore.
The super cool spy team from Section 31 introduces itself by shouting each other, expressing threats and posing for the camera. Like Georgiou, they are largely serial killers, and they are all quite annoyed that they are unable to kill more.
For certain reasons, Georgiou joins the Section 31 team, and for other reasons they embark on a mission to do something. This is more explanation than this film gave me.
Fortunately, this mission to do something takes place exactly in the same space in which they are already standing. CBS did not have to build any other sets for its robbery. What a financially happy coincidence.
The critical mission to get something for reasons is interrupted by the surprising appearance of Snake Eyes from the Gi Joe series. Or maybe it’s a space ninja. It is probably just a surprise space ninja. Gi Joe would never get in touch.
At that time we are already in the film for 30 minutes and the place did not change compared to the chic space set where the whole thing began.
Get ready because the set will change soon. A new location is presented to the audience. It is a desert in which flamet thrower protruding indiscriminately. Our team has a meeting there. Why they chose such an inhospitable place is completely unknown.
Your meeting comes to an end and we are entering your ship for the first time. It is not the spit from the logo opening sequence of the film. Hurray, a third place.
This place is used to speak to a man who is tied to a chair, because of course there is someone who is tied up in a chair. The scene takes place on her bridge SpaceshipAnd apart from some office chairs in the background, there is not much to see.
Five minutes later, the ship explodes that you can’t really see anyway, and we are back in the desert. Deserts are best suited if you film with a small budget.
Fortunately, one of our characters announces that she knows from an old ship in the desert – a ship that is out there for certain reasons. So go to the ship you can find in the forest.
In the forest. A forest around a desert in a place that you always call “dead planets”. Continue.
From then on, the desert is never seen or mentioned again, and everything takes place in the forest. Even places that they had previously visited in the desert are now also in the forest.
Fortunately, flame thrower protrudes in the forest, so that the audience always knows where they are. The flame thrower seems to be unable to identify the trees.
There is a confusing fist fight before a bad green screen display of a blurred tunnel. A thriller who is not interested in anyone. A robot is put out of action by entering the crotch.
Star Trek: Section 31 It ends with Phillipa Georgiou destroyed an entire universe about suspected possible nonsense and then tells her team that she will probably kill her later.
They all laugh at their future murders, and then Jamie Lee Curtis Jump out of a table in the chic bar set of the film to give you your next mission.
If you still have doubts about the quality Star Trek: Section 31 When writing, please enjoy this real dialoger from the film: “She died as if she were living. So you know what I mean. ”
Star Trek: Section 31 Is one of the worst ideas that someone ever had and it is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. He was performed by a team of people who do not know what a film is and performed by actors who have no idea about acting at all.
It has nothing to do with Star Trek at all. It has nothing to do with Star Trek. Nothing looks like Star Trek, Star Trek things are not mentioned or mentioned, and it has no influence on anything in any other part of Star Trek (thank God). Someone wrote a terrible, terrible Suicide command/Guardian of the galaxy It was a copy-mashup, which was then given the name “Star Trek”, hoping to make people give them money.
Star Trek: Section 31 Has done the impossible. It is the worst thing that Star Trek has ever produced, and also one of the worst things that have ever been seen on any canvas. Can a film be evil? This is the case, and if Paramount has any sense of shame or decency, it will now close the entire company and auction its assets to the lowest bidder.
Our GIANT CRAZY ROBOT The evaluation system works on a scale from one to five stars. Our point system is not enough under a star. So I give Star Trek: Section 31 Zero stars.
Star Trek: Section 31 Evaluation result
